You're Not Growing Closer in Your Marriage Because of THESE 10 Habits - FIX THEM TODAY!
Marriage can be a wild ride, and sometimes we pick up some habits that just don’t do us any favors. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the same old arguments or feeling like your connection is on the fritz, then this chat is for you! We’re diving into the 10 bad habits that can slowly chip away at your marriage, and trust me, some of these might surprise you. From neglecting to greet each other with a smile to forgetting to prioritize alone time, we’ll break it all down. So, grab your favorite snack, settle in, and let’s tackle these habits together, because keeping the love alive is totally worth it!
Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop of the same old arguments with your partner? Or maybe you just feel that something's a bit off? We totally get it! Marriage can be a beautiful journey, but sometimes we pick up habits that can really cramp our style. Join us as we dive into the top 10 bad habits that could be sneaking into your relationship, slowing your connection, and how to kick them to the curb! From forgetting to greet each other with a kiss (seriously, let’s not let the dogs have all the fun!) to not giving each other enough alone time (yes, even the best couples need some 'me time'), we’re here to help you reconnect and reignite that spark. We’ll even throw in some practical tips on how to prioritize your time together and serve each other better. So grab that cup of coffee, settle in, and let’s chat about making your marriage even stronger!
Takeaways:
- Marriage is beautiful, but we often unknowingly pick up habits that harm it.
- Not saying goodbye or greeting each other can create emotional distance in marriage.
- Speaking well of each other is essential for positive feelings and attitudes in relationships.
- Prioritizing time together is crucial—let's ditch our phones and connect instead!
- Giving each other alone time is vital; everyone needs a little space to recharge.
- Physical intimacy is unique to marriage and is crucial for a deep connection.
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Let us ask you this question.
Speaker A:Have you ever found yourself stuck in the same old arguments, struggling to connect or just that feeling that something's just off?
Speaker A:If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this video is for you.
Speaker A:Marriage is beautiful, but let's be honest.
Speaker A:Sometimes we pick up habits that do more harm than good.
Speaker A:And the worst part, some of us don't even realize that we're doing them.
Speaker A:Today, we're going to dive into 10 bad habits that slowly break down the marriage and more importantly, how to fix them before they do.
Speaker B:From silent treatments to toxic comparisons, we're exposing the habits that you must break to build a stronger, more connected marriage.
Speaker B:Stick around, because trust us, you do not want to miss this.
Speaker A:Drop a fiery emoj energy in the comments if you're ready to level up your relationship and let's get going.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields, and we have been married for 33 years.
Speaker A:So we know a little bit what it takes to have a happy, fulfilling marriage.
Speaker A:Now, today, we're going to go over bad habits of keeping your marriage from going growing closer.
Speaker A:Some of these you can fix right away.
Speaker A:Some may take a little time.
Speaker A:You might be surprised about some of these.
Speaker A:Number one, one bad habit.
Speaker A:Number one bad habit that's keeping your marriage from growing closer is not saying goodbye to each other and not greeting each other when you come back together again.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Remember how it was when you were dating, how you just couldn't say goodbye?
Speaker A:Remember those days?
Speaker B:Oh, yes.
Speaker A:So giving your husband or your wife a goodbye kiss, let them know how eager you are for them to come back.
Speaker A:And when they come home for the day, greet them with a kiss.
Speaker A:Don't let your kids or your dogs outdo you in their excitement.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:If they're saying, daddy's home, Daddy's home, and the dog's barking and all excited, wanting to play, and you're just like, oh, hi, honey.
Speaker B:That's not a good way to greet your husband or wife when they come home.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:The number two habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is not speaking well of each other.
Speaker A:Now, your thought patterns, they color your feelings, your attitudes, and your actions.
Speaker A:Marriage has taught us how to cultivate our thought life and to speak and think well of our spouse.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker A:You want your spouse's words to speak life into you.
Speaker A:So whether that's in a conversation with your friends, your family, or even especially on social media.
Speaker B:Oh, social media.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:We need to let our words speak life.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And it reminds me of how we see so many people on social media just complaining about a spouse or talking down about their situation.
Speaker B:And really, everybody doesn't need to know about that.
Speaker B:But if the spouse happens to read that or they hear about it, that's just very discouraging or feeling like you're not valued.
Speaker B:You know, if your spouse is talking bad about you or bad about your relationship or your home life on social media, you know, they just need to come to you instead of telling other people.
Speaker B:That would be a lot better way to handle that.
Speaker B:So don't make that mistake of talking bad about your spouse.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:A third bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is not giving each other alone time.
Speaker A:Now, I love to be Teresa 24 7, but she needs to recharge her batteries.
Speaker A:So whether it's a spa day or a timeout with her girlfriends or meets, just taking the kids and going somewhere and just let her spend some time alone that just so that she just, you know, be alone with her thoughts and just take care of herself.
Speaker A:No bubble bath or a steam shower or something.
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker A:Yeah, just something just to give each other alone time.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:That's so important.
Speaker B:And I like to make sure that I'm not disturbing Jeff.
Speaker B:If he's studying on something or working on something on the computer, I know that he's not shutting me out.
Speaker B:He's just having some time where he needs to think, he needs to work on something or have that special time to study or read and explore some other interests.
Speaker B:But, you know, we do so much together, it's not a threat to our relationship at all.
Speaker B:I know he needs alone time as well.
Speaker A:Now, fourth bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is not prioritizing your time together.
Speaker A:Now, time is precious.
Speaker A:So the time that you have together, give it the priority that it deserves.
Speaker A:So if you're together, whether you're together at dinner or together at breakfast or.
Speaker A:Or you're together on the couch, utilize that time to.
Speaker A:For connection.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And we see too many people, and we.
Speaker A:We do it too often, way too often ourselves.
Speaker A:Too many people are spending their time.
Speaker B:Scrolling, staying on their phones, staying on.
Speaker A:Social media, and staying on social media and scrolling.
Speaker A:So when you're together, be together.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Have time to have conversation and, you know, get caught up for the day.
Speaker B:And, you know, especially if you're on a dinner date, that's a great time to have good conversation.
Speaker B:Unless it's super Noisy in a restaurant, then talk in the car on the way there, on the way back and enjoy, you know, just some fun time together.
Speaker A:Right, right.
Speaker A:I heard that the, the average couple, United States, they have like four minutes of alone time a week where they are connecting.
Speaker A:So just, you know, sitting on the couch and just watching TV together, it doesn't count.
Speaker A:I'm talking about connecting, where you're actually talking to each other and just connecting deeply with each other.
Speaker A:So just take advantage.
Speaker A:Time is so precious.
Speaker A:Take advantage of any time that you have to get together.
Speaker B:Prioritize it and it helps to plan those times out.
Speaker B:You know, having a weekly date, you know, is highly recommended by most anybody we've listened to that teaches about marriage.
Speaker B:You at least need a date night once a week and if it requires babysitters, then it's worth that investment or you know, trading off with someone.
Speaker B:You know, they watch your kids when you get to go out and you, you can watch their kids when they want to go out.
Speaker B:You know, do something like that if you don't want to spend money on babysitting.
Speaker B:But just make sure that you plan a date together and plan something special maybe every six months just to get away for a night.
Speaker B:You know, we like to have one or two good getaways for a one or two night stay somewhere and where we can just really enjoy time together and really get connected and go deeper with our relationship.
Speaker A:And if you need some date ideas, drop in date in the comments and we'll send you a free PDF on some fun date ideas, things that you can do together to build your friendship.
Speaker A:Now, the fifth bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is not going to bed at the same time.
Speaker A:Now I understand people have different schedules and especially if you both work and you just, there's just really hard sometimes to get to sync up those, those schedules.
Speaker A:But do your best to go to bed at the same time.
Speaker A:Maybe one of you needs to go bed earlier than, than, than you normally like to, but take advantage of that time.
Speaker A:It's part of prioritizing your time.
Speaker A:You can either read together separately or together.
Speaker A:Or you could watch a movie or watch a marriage video.
Speaker A:Spend that time talking, spend that time connecting.
Speaker A:But it's really, really important to go to bed about the same time.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:Because you know, especially if you don't get to connect in the beginning of the day, at least you have that time where you get to calm down and talk together.
Speaker B:That's a great time to Have a devotion or pray together and just have some time where there's more intimacy emotionally, intellectually and spiritually that, that helps you just feel connected so that, you know, throughout busy weeks.
Speaker B:A lot of times people don't have any connection time, like Jeff was saying.
Speaker B:And that's, that's very sad because a marriage should not be like that.
Speaker B:It needs to be a rich time.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:Now, the sixth bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is not enjoying frequent intimacy.
Speaker A:First Corinthians 7, 5 says, do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time.
Speaker A:Ladies, for the most part, men have a higher sexual drive than thin ladies, but 25% of marriages, the wife has a higher sexual drive.
Speaker A:So do not deprive of your spouse of the physical intimacy that they need.
Speaker A:So physical intimacy is the most unique aspect of your marriage.
Speaker A:No one outside your marriage can meet that need.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:So it's someone else.
Speaker A:Can you have conversations with other people?
Speaker A:Friendship, you have friendships with other people.
Speaker A:But really physical intimacy is the only part, is the only part that cannot be met by someone outside your marriage.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And that's by God's design because it creates such a deep connection.
Speaker B:And it's, and it is spiritual in at its core too.
Speaker B:So you know, you're becoming spiritually one with someone, not just physically one.
Speaker B:And that, that really is a great under underpinning, you could say, foundation for your marriage to have that, like you said, regular time together.
Speaker B:And if not, you know, people really do not feel like they're one and husband and wife should feel like they are one.
Speaker B:God said, you know, the two become one when you become married.
Speaker B:And this is, this is a big, big part of it, right?
Speaker A:Ladies, your husbands feel closer to you when he's physically connected to you.
Speaker A:Husbands, your wives feel closer to you when they're emotionally connected to you.
Speaker A:So you have to work on both, both sides of the.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Of the aisle.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So a good resource is any of the exo marriage resources have great books about this subject.
Speaker A:Dr.
Speaker A:Kevin Lehman has a book called Sheet Music.
Speaker A:She talks about different aspects of it and different difficulties some couples may go through.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:And sometimes you just may have to put it on a calendar.
Speaker A:And it's not spontaneous that way.
Speaker A:Well, if it's not happening spontaneously, sometimes you have to do things by intentional.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:It helps to be intentional.
Speaker A:Number seven, the seventh bad habit that may be causing cause couples to not grow together is you forget why you fell in love.
Speaker A:Now we've been married 33 years, going on 34 soon.
Speaker A:And every year, every year we talk about our first date.
Speaker A:We go into great detail and we, we reminisce about our first date.
Speaker A:It's kind of like open up the book of remembrance a lot of times in, in the scriptures.
Speaker A:The Israelites opened up the scriptures and they had forgotten what things that God had done.
Speaker A:And they would open up the book of remembrance, the scriptures and they would read things, the great things that God had done for them and to remember them.
Speaker A:So look at your, your wedding pictures.
Speaker A:Talk about that day.
Speaker A:Talk about how things were when you first were starting today, what you were thinking about.
Speaker A:So we talk about our first date, which is August 22nd.
Speaker A:We talk about the day we get got engaged for September 12th.
Speaker A:And we talk about all the events leading up to our wedding on October 19th of that same year.
Speaker A:So we talk about those things.
Speaker A:You, you fell in love by talking.
Speaker A:You really did.
Speaker A:You spent time together either on the phone or just long conversations.
Speaker A:You fell in love with your spouse.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:It helped felt for you to fall in love with your spouse.
Speaker A:So continue to do that and remember why you fell in love.
Speaker A:And if you would like some friendship builders, just drop friendship in the, in the, into the comments and we'll send you a free, a free PDF about things you can do to build up your friendship.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:And it is really sweet.
Speaker B:It just kind of rekindles some romance.
Speaker B:Like you said, why you first fell in love and all the things, events that led up wedding and the wedding day.
Speaker B:To me that's just super romantic.
Speaker B:I don't know any wife that would not love to reminisce about the wedding and all of the things that went well and some of the things that were funny or kind of unexpected.
Speaker B:It's just, it's like, yeah, we, we got through that and look what God has done since then and how much we've grown.
Speaker B:I mean, there's so much you can glean from that when you talk about these memories.
Speaker A:That's so good.
Speaker A:Now the eighth bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing is don't take the time to serve each other right.
Speaker A:And we know that especially when you have young kids, your schedules can get so busy and you're just trying to get through the week.
Speaker A:You really are.
Speaker A:You're just trying to get through the week.
Speaker A:There's so much things, so, so many things to do, whether you, your kids Are going to school or where you're homeschool.
Speaker A:There's just so much to do.
Speaker A:Get yourself prepared in the morning and get your children prepared.
Speaker A:And you get home and you try and get dinner on the table.
Speaker A:Help the kids with the homework.
Speaker A:Trying to do some cleaning up before you just exhausted, go to bed.
Speaker A:Don't forget to intentionally serve each other.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:You need to know your spouse's main love.
Speaker A:Languages, acts of service, words of affirmation, touch, gifts, time, Quality time.
Speaker A:Quality time.
Speaker A:So learn what.
Speaker A:How your spouse receives love, what speaks love to your spouse, and do those things.
Speaker A:Write little notes.
Speaker B:Yes, yes.
Speaker A:You know, gifts doesn't have to be something you buy.
Speaker A:You buy.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:It can be just something you give your spouse.
Speaker B:Do something for them without even having to be asked, you know?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So just being thoughtful.
Speaker A:Write the notes, make their coffee, make their lunch, make the dinner, do the dishes, clean the bathrooms.
Speaker A:Just do things.
Speaker A:Serve each other.
Speaker A:Give her a foot rub, you know, just do.
Speaker B:It's one of our favorites.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Just give little things.
Speaker A:Give him a neck rub.
Speaker A:Just little things that would just bless each other to serve each other.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Now, the ninth bad habit that may be keeping your marriage from growing closer is you've not taken the time to pray together right now.
Speaker A:It's one of our main friendship builders that we have is praying with and praying over each other.
Speaker B:Over each other.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I like that.
Speaker A:So it's just.
Speaker A:Teresa, tell me what it does to your heart.
Speaker B:Oh, my.
Speaker A:When I pray, I pray things from the scriptures over you and pray specific things about you.
Speaker A:About things.
Speaker A:Your dreams and your talents and the things that you're going through.
Speaker A:Tell me how.
Speaker A:How that affects your heart.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker B:You know, at least it's reassuring.
Speaker B:But even more than that, I think it touches me very deeply because the spiritual part of our relationship is so important to me.
Speaker B:So if he's praying over me and praying scriptures for me and talking to God on my behalf, it's, you know, it's just.
Speaker B:It's such a blessing.
Speaker B:I mean, that really ministers to me at the very core of my being.
Speaker B:I just feel so loved, so cared for, and like, you know, God is working through him to minister to me.
Speaker B:So that's.
Speaker B:That really is a blessing to me.
Speaker B:It really is.
Speaker B:And how about you, Jeff?
Speaker B:How does that affect you?
Speaker A:One my love main love language is our words of affirmation.
Speaker A:I just.
Speaker A:When Teresa prays for me and prays over me, she's honoring me and showing me the honor that she has for me.
Speaker A:And that just, just builds me up spiritually.
Speaker A:Now there's four main areas of intimacy, and it's.
Speaker A:One of the main ones is spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:So that's really important.
Speaker A:Spiritual intimacy is just important as intellectual intimacy and emotional intimacy and physical intimacy.
Speaker A:And as you work on one, you enhance the others.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So don't neglect your spiritual intimacy.
Speaker A:You may even just read the Bible together or read a passage together or read a marriage book together.
Speaker A:But besides that, you also need to be praying together.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Ask God what does this mean for us?
Speaker B:How can we live out this scripture or this passage we're reading about and what does this mean for our marriage or for our family?
Speaker B:You know, and let God show you things and tell you things and give you wisdom.
Speaker B:I mean, we need wisdom from God for any area of our lives, especially our marriage right now.
Speaker A:All of these nine, these are something.
Speaker A:You can break that habit tonight.
Speaker A:You can do the opposite tonight.
Speaker A:Yeah, you can.
Speaker A:May take a look.
Speaker A:May be a little challenging, and it may take some time.
Speaker A:A 10th bad habit that couples may be practicing is not seeking godly counsel.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So you maybe be thinking, I'm just going to deal with it and just get through with it.
Speaker A:Get the kids out of the house.
Speaker A:And then it's so.
Speaker A:So those who have are empty nesters.
Speaker A:Their divorce rate has doubled in the last generation.
Speaker A:Those who are in their 60s, their divorce rate has tripled in the last generation.
Speaker A:So it's a lot of couples are, are together, they have kids, the kids, they raise their kids.
Speaker A:Great.
Speaker A:And they get the kids out in college and they discover they don't know each other and they don't like each other and are not friends.
Speaker A:So that's why we talk about husband and wife are friends for life.
Speaker A:Because we want you to build your marriage by building on your friendship.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So you just don't have to just deal with it and just endure it.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Seek godly counsel.
Speaker A:It's not a weakness.
Speaker A:Talk to your pastor.
Speaker A:Talk to a seasoned couple.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Who has walked through it.
Speaker A:You're not experiencing something no one has ever experienced before.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Someone else has gone through what you're going through.
Speaker A:So there is godly counsel out there.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So there may be.
Speaker A:Like I said, your, your pastor may recommend somebody.
Speaker A:There may be a seasoned couple that you know that you can invite them over for supper and just talk to them and not like a counseling session where it was just asking what, what would they do or what advice would they have.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:In this situation.
Speaker A:But it's a bad habit not to seek counsel.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I think it's our society just to, you know, like you said, think you just have to deal with things or like, this is our problem, nobody needs to know about this and just, we'll just handle it.
Speaker B:And not knowing that, like Jeff said, there are so many resources that we can take advantage of.
Speaker B:And sometimes seeking that godly counsel is, like you said, finding someone who has written a book or filmed a series or taught about this somewhere and done a podcast.
Speaker B:And I'm not just talking about any podcast.
Speaker B:Somebody, you know that really is an authority on the subject and at least start there.
Speaker B:But like you said, if you really are having areas in your marriage where you're just not able to come into agreement, you're not able to.
Speaker B:To work out a solution, that's when you really do need to step out and say, we, we've got to have some help because there are just things that we encounter today that, that weren't happening 20 years ago or 30 years ago.
Speaker B:And like, we don't know what to do about this.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's a different world.
Speaker A:As Jimmy Evans says, you have a 100% chance of having a successful marriage.
Speaker A:You really do.
Speaker A:There are resources out there, books and videos and people that you can reach out to that can help you get through this phase in your marriage.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Sometimes we just need mentors, you know, people that can really mentor us and say, you know, check on us after we've told them we needed some advice or some help or pray for us in this area.
Speaker B:They can check on you and just kind of keep you accountable.
Speaker B:How's it going?
Speaker B:Have you, you know, worked this out?
Speaker B:Did God show you some things to make some changes?
Speaker B:You know, what's going on?
Speaker B:And we all need that.
Speaker B:We don't need to just try to live like we're on an island.
Speaker B:You know, that's a good old saying.
Speaker B:No man is an island.
Speaker B:But a lot of times, just like, it's just our culture, like, we just have to be so individual that we can't reach out or let other people help us and have input in our lives.
Speaker B:So yes, counsel, good counsel is, is very important.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So you can see none of these bad habits are uncorrectable.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:You can fix all of these.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:Amen.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
Speaker B:Join our vibrant community on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
Speaker B:Make sure to, like, follow and subscribe for the latest updates and behind the scenes moments.
Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast and if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:This Week's Friendship Builder so this week's Friendship Builder we want you over a weekend to binge a favorite TV show or movie series that you both love.
Speaker A:Now these can be romance, they can be science fiction, they can be classic TV westerns, they can be westerns.
Speaker A:It can be anything that you enjoy.
Speaker A:Both enjoy, right?
Speaker A:And have your favorite snacks.
Speaker A:Make popcorn, pizza, wings, whatever you want.
Speaker A:Just make a party of it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And just enjoy yourselves.
Speaker A:Enjoy talking about your favorite shows or your movie series and just enjoy just having a time of connection with you and your sweetie.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:It's a lot of fun.
Speaker B:We like to quote the characters and we know what's going to happen before it happens, if it's something we've watched a lot of times, but it's still fun and it's romantic and just getting to enjoy that together.
Speaker B:Stay connected with us across all platforms.
Speaker B:Join our vibrant community on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube.
Speaker B:Make sure to like, follow and subscribe for the latest updates and behind the scenes moments.
Speaker A:Got something on your mind?
Speaker A:Shoot us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net we're all ears for your questions or suggestions on how to enhance our podcast.
Speaker A:And if you have any ideas on topics you'd love us to dive into next, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker A:Breaking these 10 bad habits may not happen overnight, but every step you take towards better communication and deeper connection is worth it.
Speaker A:If any of these bad habits resonated with you, just drop us a line in the comments and we will encourage one another.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker A:So if you recognize any of these 10 bad habit habits, don't be discouraged, but take it as opportunity to improve your marriage because your marriage is worth is.
Speaker A:Now check out some of our other videos where we talked about intimacy and remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
