Protecting Your Love: The Emotional Affair Talk
We're diving into the nitty-gritty of emotional affairs and how they sneak into our lives when we least expect it. Spoiler alert: most of these affairs don't kick off in the bedroom; they start with a flirty text or a "harmless" chat meant for your spouse. Jeff and Teresa are laying down the law on how to protect your marriage like it's your most prized possession (because it is!). We’re sharing some solid tips on setting boundaries, being transparent, and keeping those pesky temptations at bay. Trust me, this episode is packed with wisdom that'll have you reevaluating your own relationship dynamics—because when it comes to love, we definitely want to play it safe!
Emotional affairs can sneak up on you like a cat on a laser pointer. One minute, you're just having a laugh with a coworker, and the next, you find yourself tangled in a web of secret texts and flirty exchanges. Jeff and Teresa dive deep into this not-so-funny side of relationships, reminding us that most affairs don’t kick off with a bang in the bedroom but rather with those seemingly innocent chats. They emphasize the importance of safeguarding your marriage by drawing clear lines and keeping things above board. With insights from their 33 years of experience, they highlight the necessity of transparency and open communication. If you find yourself hiding messages or feeling a little too close to someone who isn’t your spouse, it’s time for a reality check. Jeff and Teresa offer practical tips on setting boundaries, being upfront about any temptations, and maintaining a marriage that thrives in the light. They make it clear: honesty is not just the best policy; it’s the only policy if you want your marriage to withstand the test of time. So, grab a notebook and maybe your spouse, because you're going to want to jot down these nuggets of wisdom to keep your love life as drama-free as possible.
Takeaways:
- Emotional affairs often start with seemingly innocent texts or jokes, not in the bedroom.
- We've learned that protecting our marriage means having clear spiritual boundaries together.
- If you're hiding messages or deleting chats, that's a huge red flag in your marriage.
- Setting boundaries is essential; it prevents little flirtations from turning into big problems later.
- Mutual agreement on comfort levels in relationships outside the marriage is super important.
- Honesty and immediate disclosure of any temptation helps keep our marriage strong and healthy.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Inspiring Marriages
Transcript
Protect your covenant.
Speaker A:The truth about emotional affairs and spiritual boundaries.
Speaker A:After 33 years of marriage, we can tell you most affairs don't start in the bedroom.
Speaker A:They start with a text, a harmless joke, a deep conversation meant for your spouse, not a friend.
Speaker B:And here's the scary part.
Speaker B:Emotional affairs often feel more intimate than physical ones.
Speaker B:In this episode, we're going to show you exactly where the line gets crossed and how to protect your covenant before it's too late.
Speaker A:Let's dive in.
Speaker A:We are Jeff and Teresa Fields and welcome to Inspiring Marriages.
Speaker A:If you go to our website, inspiringmarriages.net there you can dive into all of our previous episodes, including all the show notes.
Speaker A:And on the same webpage, you can sign up to be on our mailing list and get all of our latest offerings absolutely free.
Speaker B:So, Jeff, how does an emotional affair get started?
Speaker A:Well, from what I've read and I talk to people, you just don't fall into an emotional affair.
Speaker A:You just, it just doesn't happen.
Speaker A:Starts at someplace.
Speaker A:Mm, it's you drift as a little secrecy here, a little closeness there, and suddenly your heart is tangled in something you never intended.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:I've heard of people like getting a little attention from someone of the opposite sex in their workplace and it might be filling a void that they had in their marriage.
Speaker B:And it seems very, you know, affirming to that male or female, that husband or wife, but it's not their spouse that they're getting this from.
Speaker B:So it makes them feel emotionally closer to someone that they're working with.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker A:But as a Christian couple, we have to intentionally protect our marriage with spiritual boundaries.
Speaker A:Not out of a fear, but out of faithfulness.
Speaker A:And if you would like a our free transparency pack, P A C T to send us an email@inspiringmarriagest.net and ask for the transparency pack.
Speaker A:And we talk about some of those things on the pack.
Speaker A:So, number one, this is what we commit to each other.
Speaker A:Number one, as far as emotional faithfulness is concerned, number one, we commit to no emotional or romantic secrecy ever, whether it's online or offline.
Speaker A:We commit to no secret relationships, no hidden messages, no deleted chats.
Speaker A:You don't want to become just friends with too much chemistry.
Speaker B:That certainly is easy to happen.
Speaker B:Sometimes people don't realize it, but this is like a wake up call because it could be happening in your life and interfering with your marriage and you might not have seen it before.
Speaker B:So I hope this is gives people some indicators.
Speaker A:This is a really good indicator right here.
Speaker A:If you Got to hide it.
Speaker A:This shouldn't be happening.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:Period.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker B:If you don't want your spouse to know about it, and you might even be covering it up with lying or like you said, deleting chats or having messages that are hidden from your spouse, that's.
Speaker B:That shows there's already a red flag there that this shouldn't be happening.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker A:Marriage thrives in the light.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So you can't.
Speaker A:So if there, if you are hiding chats or direct messages or any kind of text, if you're deleting those from your phone or from your computer because you don't want your spouse to see them, that is a flag that.
Speaker A:That something's wrong and you got to stop.
Speaker B:A little note from someone at work or card, and it's more intimate than just a friendly note or a business message or something like that.
Speaker B:Your spouse needs to know about it, especially if that's not something you were inviting into your life.
Speaker B:Some people just cross lines and they may not realize it.
Speaker B:They may not have the standards you have, but you need to tell your spouse about it.
Speaker B:If anybody is sending you messages or leaving notes on your desk at work or anything like that, they need to know.
Speaker D:Right?
Speaker A:Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 in the ESV version, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Speaker A:So Jesus clearly told us that.
Speaker A:That the line is way before it gets physical.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:He said the line is, when you even think about it, that's the line.
Speaker B:And that kind of sounds like someone who's thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it like, oh, how good that person looks that they're.
Speaker B:That's not their spouse, or how you'd like to say hi to them and see them again.
Speaker B:You know, you start thinking on those things, and that's the enemy tempting you, basically.
Speaker B:And if you start lusting after that person, like Jesus said, you are already committing adultery with that person.
Speaker B:That's very powerful.
Speaker A:Number two, we commit to clear boundaries with all outside relationships.
Speaker A:We can't wait until things go too far.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:You got to set boundaries early and stick to them.
Speaker A:This means being mindful of private conversations, late night texts, and how we interact with the opposite sex.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker B:You know, something that's sad that happens, I think a lot of times in Christian lives is we think or ministering to someone, oh, I'm just encouraging that person.
Speaker B:And they'll keep calling or trying to talk to you for more encouragement.
Speaker B:And it's really like a setup by the enemy.
Speaker B:It's a trap.
Speaker B:Because no one that's not your spouse should be coming to you and talking all about their personal life.
Speaker B:Especially if it's a man with a woman who's married or a woman with a man who's married.
Speaker B:That is something that needs to be for God and for your spouse and maybe a counselor, not a friend, you know, and that's, that's crossing some lines.
Speaker B:So I think that needs to be a clear boundary in your marriage.
Speaker B:You know, I would like, I would say to Jeff, if anyone comes to you and start telling you all her personal life and asking you for prayer and all that kind of thing, I think he would already know.
Speaker B:No, you need to go to our pastor or you need to ask this other person or, you know, talk to someone as a couple.
Speaker B:Don't just come to me and ask me to pray.
Speaker B:You know, that's where things are being set up that are not healthy for your marriage.
Speaker A:Paul told us in 1st Corinthians 6:18 ESV flee from sexual immorality.
Speaker A:Every other sin a person commits is outside the body.
Speaker A:But the sexual immoral person sins against his own body.
Speaker A:So we need to flee.
Speaker A:So it's, it's.
Speaker A:You need to be like Joseph and with Potiphar's wife.
Speaker C:Yes.
Speaker A:When she grabbed him, he fled and left his cloak or his clothes in her hands.
Speaker A:So he have to flee from sexual morality.
Speaker A:Don't play with it.
Speaker A:Don't play with fire.
Speaker A:Strong parents tell you, do not play with fire.
Speaker A:And it wasn't that a good thing for them to tell you to do?
Speaker A:Because if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:So, yes, if a woman.
Speaker A:Guys, if a woman is coming to you for prayer, don't pray with her alone.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:Find another.
Speaker A:Find your wife or find another, another person and to pray for with them.
Speaker A:Don't pray for someone by yourself, ladies.
Speaker A:Don't let pray for men by yourself.
Speaker A:Don't do it.
Speaker A:Don't have private conversations with a man who's not your spouse.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:Number three, we commit to mutual agreement on what's too close.
Speaker A:We commit to talk together about what too close means to us.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker A:Flirting, private meetups, heart level, texting with someone who isn't your spouse.
Speaker A:That is, I tell you right now, I would feel uncomfortable about all of those.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:I really don't really talk to you talk to Teresa about it, but it's good to talk about it.
Speaker B:It is good to talk about it.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker B:Because it may be that you see it, but your spouse doesn't see it.
Speaker B:You know, you see it.
Speaker B:Oh, I have a problem with that.
Speaker B:How that person is talking to you or coming up to you or texting you.
Speaker B:You need to say something to your spouse.
Speaker B:If they don't seem to see it, but you see it, and you realize, you know, hey, this is like a fox trying to get into the hen house here.
Speaker B:We don't need this in.
Speaker B:In between us, in our marriage.
Speaker B:It's someone interfering in your relationship, and they may not even think they're doing that.
Speaker B:But if your spouse is concerned, it.
Speaker B:It is a problem.
Speaker B:And you got to agree with the.
Speaker B:What is okay between the two of you and what not to allow.
Speaker B:That is so good.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker A:And if either us feels uncomfortable, that's the reason not to step back.
Speaker A:We're not policing.
Speaker A:We're protecting.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:We're protecting each other.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's not.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:It's not like we don't trust each other.
Speaker A:We're protecting each other.
Speaker C:Mm.
Speaker B:It's just wisdom.
Speaker B:It's just wisdom because God gave you, your spouse to help you.
Speaker B:And it works both ways.
Speaker B:You know, if Jeff doesn't realize someone is being flirtatious with him, he might just think, oh, she's nice.
Speaker B:She's just talking to me.
Speaker B:But I see something that is causing me concern.
Speaker B:I need to say no.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker A:Your spouse needs to have that line.
Speaker A:Your spouse has.
Speaker A:Has to have the freedom to express their.
Speaker A:That they're uncomfortable with something.
Speaker E:Yes.
Speaker A:You need to respect that and act upon what your spouse is saying.
Speaker B:And this might sound stringent to people because our society has gotten so okay with this, all kinds of flirtations and communications with people outside of your marriage, and it's really not okay.
Speaker B:If you're looking at it from the biblical Christian standards, the marriage does need to be protected.
Speaker B:And that's why the Lord helps us each see, look out for each other.
Speaker B:You know, it's so important.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Proverbs 6.
Speaker A:32 in a new living translation tells us, but the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.
Speaker A:Number four in our transparency pact concerning emotional adultery, we commit to immediate disclosure of temptation.
Speaker A:And this one's hard.
Speaker A:No one wants to admit that they've been there.
Speaker A:They're tempted.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker A:It's hard, but it's holy.
Speaker A:If either of us feels temptation rising, we choose accountability over secrecy.
Speaker A:And he doesn't even have to get to the level of temptation.
Speaker A:It could Be the level of uncomfortableness.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:I am.
Speaker A:Look at this text I got from so and so.
Speaker A:I am really uncomfortable about this text.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker A:And as soon as we expose that to the light, it just loses its power.
Speaker C:Mm.
Speaker B:It does.
Speaker B:And you have more strength together than trying to fight this alone.
Speaker B:Like we said earlier, don't just try to deal with it on your own, like, you know something's not appropriate, but you're thinking, oh, I can handle this.
Speaker B:You know, I don't need to bother my spouse with it.
Speaker B:You really need your spouse.
Speaker B:You'll be so much stronger together.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Don't just try to handle it alone.
Speaker B:Or think I can resist this temptation.
Speaker B:I mean, temptation is designed to be very tempting to draw you into something that you know you're going to regret later.
Speaker C:Like.
Speaker B:Like we said, crossing lines and going outside of healthy boundaries.
Speaker D:Right.
Speaker C:Mm.
Speaker A:Because when you bring it, bring it up, it brings.
Speaker A:It builds freedom and bring.
Speaker A:And truth builds trust.
Speaker B:That's right.
Speaker B:It really.
Speaker A:Again, if you would like a free PDF or transparency pack, P A C T PDF, just send us an email at inspiring marriages@@&t.net and ask for it.
Speaker A:And we will send you a link where you can download it for free.
Speaker A:I have a quote here.
Speaker A:Cheating isn't always kissing, touching, or flirting.
Speaker A:If you got to delete text messages so your partner won't see them, you're already there.
Speaker C:Mm.
Speaker A:Now, let me be something that you didn't ask for.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:But so if it's something you didn't, if you need to delete it, I would.
Speaker A:I would tell you.
Speaker A:I would show it to Teresa first and then delete it kind of.
Speaker A:It just loses its power.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker A:So when you're in holy matrimony, Teresa, it's way more than just a social contract.
Speaker A:It is.
Speaker A:It is a covenant.
Speaker A:We have entered in a covenant before our God.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker A:And we have expressed vows of faithfulness to each other and before God, that we will be faithful to each other.
Speaker A:And that's a covenant that we can't break.
Speaker A:But these emotional affairs, they seek to attack the heart of the covenant.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker A:But boundaries, honesty, and I would say even prayer protect what God has joined together.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker E:That's right.
Speaker B:It's always good to invite God into the midst of your marriage for any reason, in any area of your married life.
Speaker B:Like you said, we set boundaries.
Speaker B:That's something you can pray about.
Speaker B:God, what are good boundaries for us to set?
Speaker B:How often should we be around these other people that don't seem to understand boundaries, you know, or what kind of boundaries can we set in the workplace?
Speaker B:And of course, honesty, we've talked about that.
Speaker B:If you're getting messages or something's going on that you know is not appropriate, talk to your spouse about it.
Speaker B:Or if you see something tempting your spouse, ask them, you know, hey, did you realize that this is something we don't want interfering in our marriage?
Speaker B:And of course, praying about all these things is so powerful, right?
Speaker A:Your marriage is worth guarding.
Speaker A:Your spouse is worth protecting.
Speaker A:Your covenant is worth every uncomfortable boundary you set.
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Speaker A:What boundary has helped you protect your marriage?
Speaker A:And let us, let us know maybe you have something that we didn't think about.
Speaker A:Like, oh, that's.
Speaker A:That's pretty good.
Speaker E:That's right.
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Speaker A:This is Inspiring Marriages.
Speaker A:And remember, husband and wife are friends for life.
